Fall Is Here

My how fast Spring came and went and now Fall is quickly leaving us. I opened up that back door this evening to let the dogs out and was reminded how quickly winter was approaching. I like the winter, to be honest i love all the season's.
I spent a few years during my teen years living in a climate where there was no season's, i think that is why I love them so much to this day. I am not found of bundeling up and going out into the cold winter, but i do enjoy watching the snow fall from inside a warm house.
Get ready Winter is coming!

Transparency

Transparency the definition goes something like this.... viewed by light shining through it or by projection.

The definition is taken from the word picture. If we think about it we are suppose to be just as that a picture of What God looks like, his very image should been seen through us. As the definition reads viewed by the light shining through. The light of God shining through us. I have to admit that light has not always been so bright, lately it has been pretty dime. As i have said many times i am not perfect, guess i will never be perfect either, i stumble and fall more than i stand up straight and allow the light of God to illuminate me. We may all have a story similar to the same.
I picked up this book last week called Transparent, it's about getting honest about who we are and who we want to be. The title alone spoke to me. If anyone needs to get honest about who they are it's me. I will admit it, i have fallen so far out of the grips of God that even i shock myself at times. I just keep telling myself if i could only figure out when it all went wrong where i got of the path at i can go back to that point and take up where i left off. But... it does not work like that even our very failures are a learning experience created by God, so right where i stand i reach down and pick up the cross i have been dragging behind me and start carrying it again. That's what God expects right.
One the front of this book is a hand bag like that of one i use to own. it's made of clear plastic, seeing clearly the contents that are inside the bag. We are kind of like that, even when we are trying to hide behind this image or facade people see through that. We are always up for display whether we choose to be or not. We may think we are hiding but in fact everyone especially God sees us we can not hide.
Now that my girls are both in Junior High i see how complicated things are going to get. Solving problems of disagreements between girlfriends are going to be a thing of the past, to be honest i am not ready for all the other side of life's disappointments. I can not protect them forever, no matter how hard i try. It's now when life takes the that turn the one we can't prevent it's when you grab the bar and just hold on for dear life until the ride is over. It's what scares me the most will everything i have taught them this far carry them through this difficult time? I can only hope and pray. I will let you know though how that works out for me.

I am going to pick up where i left off some months ago though, it does not matter where i have been since then it only matters where i go from here, that the light of Gods shines bright through me.

Lord... Forgive me for my sins, forgive me for dropping my cross behind me and dragging it in stead of carrying it over my shoulder all this time. I know you have never left my side i have just forgotten to look over and acknowledge you. If only you can help me remove the clutter from my life so that the your light can clearly shine through me and not bounce off all the things i have let get between you and me.

Hope For Today

Habakkuk 3:18-19 Yet i will rejoice in the Lord, I will be joyful in God my Savior. The Sovereign Lord is my strength he makes my feet like the feet of a deer, he enables me to go on the heights. For the director of music. On my stringed instruments.

Yesterday was a bad day, Adam is working until they tell him other wise. He is on new medicine, that is making him feel less than himself these days. Chantix to quit smoking. He had a run to Michigan he left at 6:00 am and did not return until 12:00 am.
I could tell in his voice every time i talked to him that he was not feeling well, he did not take time out to eat.I kept saying over and over again. Lord how will we get through this. 1 week ago he would have begged for a trip like he had yesterday. Almost like over night the bottom has dropped out from under us. At least it feels like it.
So when i thought the day could not get any worse, we loaded up the only car we have now got out to my in laws, and the something was terribly wrong with the car. It sounded like it could have been the transmission, or the rear end was falling out. I think at that point i lost it, what else could go wrong.
This morning i called trust worthy Bill at the Service Station here in town and Thank God it was a busted u bolt. I can live with that.
Yesterday it was all i could think of.
So when i woke up this morning and my Bible opened up to this familiar passage. I read a note i wrote to myself more than a year ago. " In spite of the circumstances, remain faithful and rest in the fact God is in control, no matter what."
I know God will not put on us anymore than we can handle, i know that. It's the only thing i have to hold on to. Faith that we will get through today no matter how rough it gets, and tomorrow will bring a new and different day.
My friends and family surround us. Just as i always knew they would. The unknowing and the fears for today and tomorrow melt away.
I lay in bed and think what will we do, if Adam is not with us next year. How will the girls go through life, with out their Daddy at their side. I am so broken.i know i should be thinking hopeful thoughts. It's hard to not think about it.
What ever happens God will bring us through.

Hope For A New Day

Isaiah 14:32 What answer shall be given to the envoys of that nation? The Lord has established Zion, and in her his afflicted people will find refuge.

I want to really dig deep into this scripture, i have many afflicted around me. We found out on Thursday that there is a 95% chance my husband has Bladder Cancer. You put things into perspective when you get news like that. Two years ago my sister was diagnosed with a rare skin disorder. Terminal that's what they told us a year ago. That gives you an idea of why this Scripture means so much to me.
So i went in to the all trusty dictionary to find words that would bring this Scripture to a whole new level.So here it is what this scripture means to me.

What answer shall be given to the doctor's of this nation? The Lord will prove through the afflicted of the world they have refuge.

As i went through finding other words to bring more light to the scripture, it was made very apparent to me that our afflicted could be anyone. It does not have to be the ill or bed ridden. What about the people who are drug addicted. Afflicted by depression or families are afflicted by pain and anger. God says in this verse a nation of afflicted will find refuge. I hold firm to that promise, with the unknowing of tomorrow and what it will bring what do i have to loose. It's easier to get angry with God and blame him, for all that happens but it's more rewarding to step out of the comfort zone and trust that no matter what will come we will be stronger and better people for it no matter what it is.
What do we have to loose we have nothing to loose, or do we? We loose out on faith for just another day, growth from yesterday and one step closer to God who loves us, who has done so much already for us. He gave us his only son so that we could be forgiven of our sinful nature, we fall short of that Cross everyday, or at least i know that i do.
So after a long much needed conversation with my mother this early afternoon, through God she confirmed this passage to me by a scripture that God showed her Isaiah 41:10 i will let you read that one for your self. The work of God is at hand.
He may not heal those suffering with illness, but he does change lives through the illness.
I just lost a friend last Friday to Lung Cancer, she was dear friend her sister and i were best friends and ran around while we were in High School together. Over the years i have seen great suffering in my friend, drugs and alcohol controlled many of her adult years. Soon before Sandy was diagnosed my friend got saved while attending church with Sandy, i remember getting the news i cried and praised Jesus. The more sick Sandy got my friend and i had many conversation about how she would deal with her lose. Scared the only way she could deal with her lose was to go back the only way she always knew. God has proved very faithful, she has maintained her sobriety though she misses her sister dearly, she makes it through day by day. I am certain their are times she goes minute by minute. I called her yesterday with the news of my husband the first thing she said was i will call my pastor and we will put him on the prayer chain. Her strength comes from God.
God says he will never give us more than we can handle.

Seeing God Every Where

I took this picture just before school let out one evening when the girls and i were leaving my in-laws. It is peaceful and a true vision of what God looks like to me.

How has God changed your life

Have you ever awaken wandering not what today will bring, but how God will change your life?
It seems to me anymore that life is more than just getting through the day, it’s more like what will God do today? I believe it’s not what we make it but more like how much will we allow him to change it, no matter what comes our way and instead of standing tall with our hands crossed waiting to resist the force to break through we try to stop the inevitable. That use to be me. It was more like that stance of a line backer, trying to keep the defense out so the quarterback could score the touch down. If that’s how it goes, funny for a women who’s husband lives and breathes football I would know more about it, but I always try to either find something else to do on Monday night football, or I just hide.
I sort of woke up one day with no choice. God gave me something I could not fix myself no matter how I hard I tried to resist or how much I tried to pretend it never happened. There was no denying what really happened. I had to except it sooner or later, and what was even harder was to except I could not change it or fix it. I had to allow God to create something beautiful out of it. He was going to do that no matter how hard I tried to resist, it was going to happen, the real question was how long was I going to allow it to eat away at me. The longer I would resist his love and tender mercy, the longer it would take for me to heal, for my family to heal. We had to move on the quicker the better.
It took me a year to realize that, an entire year wasted on self-pity and self-destruction. You see this is what happened, my daughter had a bicycle accident she was 10 at the time, my oldest daughter. We have two, she was sure it was broke and well I could not believe that by falling of a bike it would break your leg. I have to say she was right and well she still reminds me she was right and I was wrong.

I took her to the ER the next morning, sure enough a fracture, where they could not tell. They refereed us to the local specialist, he could not tell either where the break was, I think it was more about he was leaving for vacation, he really did not have the time. You see that is how God works because that doctor he passed away while he was on vacation and he wanted her to go into surgery, arthroscopic to be exact to fish around in there and see exactly what it was all about. God was working harder than I could ever know. We were refereed to a local Children’s Hospital. A doctor there saw her. He knew exactly where the fracture was, but unsure of the damage. She went down for x-rays, and while there a man sexually fondled her. That was when our lives changed forever. She told me 12 days later and it was the beginning of the rest of my life. Like most mothers I fell a part , I got angry with God and the only conversations we had after that day was me blaming him.I yelled and cried a lot. Most days I just would wish it was a horrible nightmare and I could just wake up. My husband lost his job, after that. I think more because he could not stand not being at home. You see he would have gone to the hospital that day, but he had to work. He never said it but I think as much as I blamed myself he was blaming himself just as much.

When I finally woke up out of my denial and self-pity, I saw how God was there all long he was in control of what I thought I had worked so hard to keep away from him. You know it’s us living God’s life, all for the glory of him. He was there all along while he did not allow that to happen to my little girl, he did allow it to change lives of those who came in contact with her along the way. Her love and strength for God never changed, she crawled right into the arms of her savior and sat there. I believe she still sits there today. When we started her in counseling, God provided for her the most wonderful young Christian women we could ask for, they just clicked since then she has stepped down from her job, to work closer to her home, and her and my daughter still stay connected through e-mails. Lexi has grown, she doesn’t stop we are so proud of her.
Where do we go from here the only place we can go. You put all your faith and trust in God, know that he is in control, total control. I could not have gotten through this with out my faith in God, I pray that I only move forward from here. You know life can be funny in a way, we spend all our time investing in things that should not really matter, like money, things (homes, cars, etc..) then at the end of the day we are still not happy, I think I have found out why.
We invest so much time into us instead of God and searching the path for what he has created us to do, that’s peace I think even if you don’t figure it out, just trying is working for God. My life has changed from what I thought as a little girl it would be, I cannot remember my early dreams I suppose they were like any other little girls dreams a nice house and a wonderful husband a couple of kids. There is happiness, I chuckle inside, lets see I had to work real hard for the wonderful marriage (don’t we all) we still have not achieved the house, the children were the simplest of tasks, but raising them is harder than trying to make a marriage work. I would not change it, because I am living my life for God, I wake in the morning thanking him for the day, asking him for grace to get through it. Nothing is more beautiful to me than feeling the anticipation of wanting to know more about God, and waiting for him to show me the next thing.

I’ll use an old friend here I know she won’t mind, I have a friend we went to school together we didn’t always hang out but we lived in the same small town around 600 population maybe less than that. She was my moral lets say when I was out running around doing the awful things I would be doing there she was with moral advise I never listened, I heard though sometimes I would think to myself will she ever do anything wrong, she wasn’t perfect no one is. Since then she has been married moved off to Michigan were she now has two children. The day I got saved she was the first person I wanted to tell. In fact I did, one Saturday afternoon I suppose, I drove over to her parents where she still lived, she wasn’t home but her mom answered the door. I shared the good news with her, I later saw Lori and she said when her mom told her she cried, I realized that day how important loving God and following him was.

In the next couple of years Lori’s mom passed away due to cancer. We rallied around her a small group of us went out for lunch just to let her know we were there for her. I recalled her telling me about the rainbow she had seen just after her mother passed away. I was reminded of that rainbow last week. My friend confirmed with me what she thought God meant by that rainbow, sharing that story with Lori this week confirmed God was the reason for our friendship after all these years, and our reconnection. He never stops confirming and loving I think we have to keep our eyes opened wide and watching for it.
Keep your eyes on the sky what ever you do don’t miss the rainbow. Let it remind you God is still in control.

Something Real

I don't want to make this whole thing controversial or anything but god put something on my heart this week and i really feel the need to share it. I am not going to call anyone out or call out any certain type of Belief because i feel like this can really address us all and we know who we are and if God is speaking to certain people they will know, i am only the messenger, i do not take any credit for what is posted it all things I feel like God has put on my heart to share so hear goes.... Earlier this week i was talking with a friend of mine, she was raised in a strict congregation just as i was growing up the difference between her and i was that by the time i was 10 my family had gotten away from the church she was raised in the church all the while she was growing up, she did not say when she left the church i am only assuming it was after she was much older maybe even in her adult years.

Many Churches are still teaching from the Old Testament don't get me wrong it is a great part of the Bible all parts of the Bible come together to make it what it is God's law for us to live by and learn by. But we tend to some of us to stay right there in the Law of Moses. It was hard for them, but we don't go out further, after Christ came along he saved us from that law that was so hard for Moses' people to live by, i am not saying go out there and do what ever you want it's OK Christ saved us. What i am saying is this By Grace we are healed from thinking that God will strike us down for so much as looking the wrong way. Christ paid the ultimate Sacrifice for us so that by his grace we are healed of all of our wrong doing. We are suppose to celebrate his love celebrate his resurrection celebrate when someone is Baptised or Reborn by the Blood of Christ.
If you are going to church and you do not feel an overwhelming feeling to celebrate then maybe just maybe there is something more. The love of God does not bring fear but love and understanding. It's like a well that is overflowing within us we can't help but to tell someone about what God has done for us.
If you feel like something is missing you love Go with all your heart but there is just something missing let me invite you into a real personal relationship with Christ, God Our Father. He loves you so much that he wants you to shout it from the roof tops, he does not want you to sit in silence and fear but to rejoice in Him and bring others to the love that is so filling and abundant that you don't need anything else. Seek his guidance he will come and rescue you from the slumber and fear you may have found your self in.

I Love You, Through Christ The Son

What's Our Worth

Philippians 3:21 Who, by the power that enables to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.

I had a trip yesterday i spent all day at a state reserve i guess you would call it, it's a large wet land area not far from where we live the college students at our nearby college take care of the area . Anyways This scripture sort of fell in my lap, as i sat in my bus taking in the sounds of the nature i read this scripture and it really spoke to me, a God who controls everything and with the power to control how we feel about him, gave it up and gave us the freedom to choose or reject him. I understand i often thought how much easier it would have been if he just told us the way it is suppose to be love him. Then i thought i would not want my children to love me just because i am their mother i want them to love me from their heart because of how i provide for them and show them love first. God is really no different then us. Then to take it one step further we are rewarded for loving him he takes our once selfish, narrow minded, self centered and turns it into something that draws people to us, and he is not even done with just that when the time comes and our time is done here we are carried away to a much better place he has prepared for us and then given a glorious body, i don't know about you but my body right now is getting a little worn out, i am over weight, the few years i carried a child took it's toll on me with an out of line back, i am just starting to feel the years i have abused and neglected it. A new body it's a pretty cool concept for me.

I have chose to seek the love of Christ all of my days.

One Day At A Time

Zephaniah 3:17 The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quite you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing.

I encourage you to read each word in this passage stopping after each word putting great thought into each word. OK we know God is with us, but do we really think about it everyday he is with us never leaving our side. Mighty( that word to me symbolizes strength, huge)God puts the meaning in MIGHTY. I never thought anyone delighted in me, my God does he is always with me because he enjoys being at my side. When we focus all of our thoughts on God alone he quites us in His very presence, when we raise up to join God in His very presence we can not even speak because of mighty presence, he sings will we are in complete awe of him. Picture God singing for no reason other than he knows we have taken delight in him so much so we are speechless. I think Zephaniah he got it his book is short because he spent much time in God's presence he did not have much to say but what he did say you can put much thought in it.

Have a great weekend filled with the presence of God.

Better Than Life

Pslam 63:3 Because your love is better than life, my lips will glorify you.

This 12 word sentence pretty much says it all as far as i am concerned, I am still amazed every time i open my Bible, how three words can dig deep within and pull out what you have been feeling. We all get so wrapped up in the everyday life that it's hard sometimes to pull yourself out of the worldly worries, bills bare down on you, work schedules, running after teenagers(like i do) we forget that God's love is better than life it's self, and all the other things don't matter. Here's the simplicity of the God i serve He looks down and reminds me of His presence, in the eyes of a newborn baby, a homeless hungry man, the smile of a child, the innocence of humanity. I am reminded that god's love is all of those things simple God is not complicated we just make him that way.
i have a dear friend of mine... right now as i write this see is struggling for every breathe she takes in this world only longing to be with her King, she holds on not to life but to the thought of seeing her oldest daughter graduate from College get married and start her own family, her middle daughter to become the doctor God created her to be, and to see her baby boy be what ever he wants to be, maybe kiss her new daughter in law. It's not about holding on for the world it's about holding on to her legacy what she was created to be a mother raising her children the best way see knew how through life's circumstances but by the grace of God showing them strength to do what ever they dreamt about... She is and inspiration to me even as i watch her fight for life to just be... to lay her eyes on what she loves most in this world, her children. That is what God's love is to me, he did that for us he seen the pain in his own son's eyes felt it in every fiber of his being the pain of Hell because he loved us that much. Just like Sandy wakes every morning with pain to have one more day for her children.

Cancer is attacking the very people we love... Join the fight to stomp out the very thing that is taking our loved ones away from us!

Good Day, Bad Day or God Day?

2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves have received from God.

I picked up a book by one of my favorite writers Max Lucado " everyday Deserves a Chance" , just recently finished a book about the two girls that were in that serious car accident a couple of years ago from Taylor University, the one girl was killed and the other one lived, in the first 5 weeks after the accident they had the two girls mixed up, a book you must read... anyways i copied all the the scriptures down to study more in detail from the book, as i returned back to my Blog i find it so like God to tie in the Scriptures from one book into the words and thoughts of a writer i admire deeply. The out come my own understanding and pursuit of Christ's heart.

As I usually start everyday a fight to wake the kids from a deep sleep, dogs to go potty( and we don't have a fence, and live on a very busy street) they drag me out and walk me usually on there time not mine. I seem to rush through the mornings, so that i can get to the first bus stop on time, i forget to look to the positive side of things. I am reminded in this Scripture That God comforts all our troubles. The closer it gets to the end of another school year the busier i find myself, more anxious to have a nice summer vacation the older the girls get the more i value the time i have to spend with them, as each year passes i become more attached to my students and more sad to loose the few seniors i have. It's hard to give the day a chance when they quickly approach and before we know it another one begins. Today i find comfort in knowing that God is near and ready to mend my troubling heart.
Thank You Father for being the all knowing and forgiving Father you are.

Never Give Up Hope

Psalm 27:14 Waite for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.

I guess we have all been there a time or two, frustrated and seeking answers and not finding them soon enough. A bad marriage, sick child or spouse maybe family member or dear friend, in a slump with your finances or just a slump, depression sets in and you just can't see the light at the end of the tunnel, been there been in all those places, i can remember thinking where is God how much longer do i have to wait out the storm when will all this pass. he always reveals himself one way or another and in this very brief scripture we are given assurance that
He is never far from us, be strong and take heart, and just at the very right moment he comes in wraps his loving arms around us quickly we forget the things that troubles us.
I love Spring and Fall mostly because God is so present in nature that i see his very presence every where i look. It's easy to get lost in the ways of the world traffic and smog, working that we forget to stop and take in His very presence, but during these times I get lost in his very exsistance.

Enjoy the Day!!!

Forget Tomorrow Hope For Today

You know i just started reading a book by Max Lucado: Everyday Deserves A Chance.
He is a great Author he can take any situation and turn it into a life lesson. I woke up this morning intending to do my lesson today on Pslam 84:1-2 but you know God had another plan instead i ended up in Lamentations 3:22-23 Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassion never fail. They are new every morning; great is your faithfulness.
But you know looking at both scriptures (i will let you look up the other one) they really go hand in hand. I can let evryday be sabatoged by yesterday, how many of us do that, live in the past and not for the day. How can we keep our thoughts focused on Heaven when we can't move past something we did or something someone did to us.
God's grace is new every morning when we ask and recieve it, it's the very reason Christ died on the cross, so we would not be condemned for what we did yesterday. By His blood we are saved.
It's like forgiveness, forgive and then forget. That's hard to do we say "I forgive you, but sometimes we still hold on to the anger or hurt, infact we have not forgiven them at all, and then Jesus came along he was crucified nailed to a cross sent to hell and then risen from the pit's of death so that we could be forgiven, when God say's i forgive you he does just that, don't we owe friends and family the same forgiveness God gives us. I am focused on that very kind of forgiveness, that's what seeking the heart of Christ is really all about, we won't measure up not in this world, it will come to us in the very place we can barely wrap our brains around "Heaven"

Have a Blessed Day!
Live, Love and focus on today because tomorrow has already passed.

Faithful Servant

Matthew 25:23 His Master replied."Well done good and faithful servant! You have been faithful with a few things; I will put you in charge of many things. Come and share your masters happiness.
You know as typed out this passage I wondered how I could take this very gift and apply it to my life? It's wonderful how God puts us in charge of little things to prepare us for the big things we will have once we enter into the Kingdom of Heaven. Many times the little tasks he gives us seem to big to conquer and we bail out as if we were on a boat in the middle of the Atlantic Ocean afraid we may drown. I have done that many times in my life and soon live to regret the decisions I made. May i spend everyday from this day forward challenging myself to stay in the boat no matter how rough the waters may get, so that I may see the rainbow at the end of the storm.

Why I Created This Blog

Hello this is my first post.

My prayer is that God uses this Blog for His purpose as I seek to find the heart of Christ, through my life. As I share my life through adversity and triumph. That if only one person stumbles here and finds the real purpose of a journey we all have embarked upon the day we entered this world from the very thought of God.
May This Blog be used for God's Purpose and not my own, and along the journey i hope to find some friends new and old who share in the very purpose of my life seeking God's will .

May God Bless You Today!
Angie